Hello Camryn, I love your story The Dancer. When I was reading it I was so incited. I had no clue that it was relate to the The Cunning Crane and the Crab. That story was such a great parallel to the other story. I loved how you used dancers and singers. I love the colors of your portfolio also. You did a beautiful job at arranging it . I wonder what would have happened to her if she never poisoned the evil producer?I wonder if she would have died or if she would have made it out unlike the rest. What if all the dancers and singers were up against him and they also figured out the plan of the evil man? I thought you did a great job at telling this story in a new light. I hope that you keep up the great work. I can't wait to read more of your work throughout the semester.
Hi Camryn! I enjoyed reading your story and I loved how it was a spin on The Cunning Crane and the Crab folk story. You changed the setting and the characters, but still remained true to the plot and lesson of the original story. Your story was like this modern twist that our classmates and people of our generation could relate to and have a better understanding of. I wonder how the story could have been different or enhanced if we got to know more about Alicia; like how she became a dancer and how she got so clever leading up to her defeating the wicked director. It is because we as readers got to see in a sense the reasons why the director became evil and the way he was, but not really how Alicia became clever. I wonder what if the story had a different ending and Alicia did not come out victorious. Would she ever eventually escape the evil director? How would her life be different if the director was still alive and she was made to perform the shows with the singers? Overall, I love and enjoyed your interpretation of the folk story, and I cannot wait to read your future work!
Hi Camryn! Wow I loved the end with the dancer poisoning the director. A little dark but a satisfying conclusion to Alicia's story. That director won't ruin anymore lives! I would love to hear a little more about her background in dance, or maybe even how the director had the idea to send the performers off on the cruise ship! What if the twist of the story was that the director actually used to be a performer and was wronged and that's why he has a vendetta against these performers that he is sending off? Overall, I really liked your take on the story of the Crane and the Crab and look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hello Camryn , this is my second time reading a story dealing with Rama and Sita. I read a students story with these two characters so reading your story I felt like it could be the second part of the other students story I read. All Rama and Sita stories are always intense. I like the long dialogue that played part in the tale, I could see the scene inside the judge room and the vibe that was given off by the people inside the court room. During the trial in this tale, they were trying to figure out if someone was lying and in the end Rama should have believed his wife. I feel like this is a good ending to have the reader wondering what will their life's go now after they have came across this issue. True Loves stories always have a happy ending. It was good you started the story off in a weird stanch then it had a whole twist.
Hey Camryn! I loved your story. I am a big theatre nerd so you had me hooked from the beginning. I am also glad to see someone else is doing a portfolio because I have read a lot of storybooks so far, but I am also doing a portfolio so it is nice to see what others are doing. I love reading these retellings though because even with a few small changes the stories are unrecognizable in the beginning and then I am pleasantly surprised at the end to find out what story is being told. This was one of my favorite tales so I was happy to read your retelling. It is so cool that you included dialogue in your story, I haven’t attempted that yet, but it really pulled me into the story and it was a good way to move along the story. I can’t wait to read more!
Hi Camryn! Good work on your portfolio so far! I think that while the image for your Home page is cool, I wonder if it would be better to have your description somewhere on the page so that the reader doesn't have to scroll to see it? Since it's short it could go at the top of the page or someting like that? Your story looks like it is in great shape! I love how you completely changed the setting of the story to create an almost totally different story, but still maintaining the spirit of the original source. I think stories are always the best when it is truly the story the writer wanted to tell and it's not limited by the source of inspiration. I wonder what happened to all the people who were performers on the boat. Maybe you could fit in a word about them? I look forward to reading more of your work!
Hey Camryn. I really liked your take on the crab and the crane story. It took me a while to realize what story you were paralleling; you did a great job of making the story your own. I thought the parallel of bringing Cynthia on stage was well done. I was a little confused by the actions of the Director: from your opening paragraph, it sounded like he was trying to create a fantastic show to one-up other directors, but then it turned out that he just wanted to make money by signing singers to a cruise ship. Also, I understood the Director as being greedy and a liar, so I wasn’t sure how “evil” he was, and I was really surprised when Alicia murdered him.
In your second story, I thought you did an excellent job of using dialogue to pull the reader into the story. I think it would be excellent if you extended that dialogue even more, because you handled it really well.
Your portfolio looks amazing! The layout is easy to navigate and the site looks really classy. I like it.
The Dancer My immediate thought when I finished reading this was: What on earth happened to the singers? Could the evil director be staffing some sort of resort filled with shanghaied entertainers? This was a creative and unexpectedly appropriate approach to retelling the Cunning Crane and Crab. Cynthia and Alicia (along with the evil director) bring so much personality to this story, and I love the empty theater image (all the talent is gone!).
The Test This story has a wonderful narrative feel, and I find myself wanting to know who the narrator is. This seems like a great way to present a tale passed down over generations, and I feel almost as though a mother or grandmother is telling the story to her daughters. This could also be a two-part story, as the ending line is almost leading the reader into another chapter of Sita's life (and quest to prove herself to Rama). There is a typo for the first "slightly" but that was the only thing I saw.
Hello Camryn! I think the presentation of your portfolio is very well kept as it is easy to navigate and the color scheme was very simple which made the text pop out more. I think that the images you chose are absolutely perfect as they are very colorful and depict your scenery perfectly.
One thing you do very well is characterize. I think you did a great job describing Cynthia and Alicia especially. I loved the ending of the director dying because I was wondering how she pulled it off so smoothly as well as to what will happen next.
I liked your second story however I felt that your dialogue confused me at parts. I think it did a good job for the most part bringing the plot together but sometimes I felt the speech was a little dragged out. Overall I think that your story is very good though, and the portfolio is something you should be proud of.
Hi Camryn! I'm really impressed with your ability to translate a fable into a modern setting acted out by people rather than animals. I really enjoyed, "The Dancer", and when I was reading the Author's Note I was impressed with the parallelism your retelling displayed. Your content was strong and the important plot lines were delivered strongly. The only thing I noticed was grammatical, there was one point when you used "is" instead of maintaining past tense.
For your story, "The Test" I enjoyed your style of writing. You simplified the story so it was easy to follow but still maintained the key points of the story. I was not familiar with this story so it was a rather shocking read at first. I think you have a strength in your writing for clarity.
Aesthetically, I really like your theme for your portfolio. I am sensing kind of a dark theme to your writing so the gray and black background makes perfect sense. Your website is organized really clearly.
Overall, great job! I look forward to reading the remaining stories in your portfolio.
I really liked your story The Dancer. You did an amazing job creating your story from the original story, The Cunning Crane and the Crab. What impressed me the most was your ability to create this real, modern story from a story that was originally focused on animals and food. I think that is great that your mind is so creative. This story was a great introduction to your portfolio. Throughout the story, I found that the story really kept my attention and I was always wondering what would happen next. Especially the ending - I thought it was perfect that you left off with something so unexpected. This ending will definitely draw in readers to read the stories to come. I also appreciate how you used photos to illustrate some of the places you were talking about in the story. It really gives the reader an outlet to imagine the situations happening in these places. Your writing is very clear and succinct. I didn't find any spots throughout the story that were confusing or vague. The only question that I have is what happened to the others that were on the cruise ship? You may consider adding in something about them at the end. Im not sure if that was part of your initial plan or not - just a recommendation.
You did a really good job on this story and I am excited to keep up with your portfolio throughout the rest of the semester!
Hey Camryn! I really loved your stories on your portfolio! My favorite was The Dancer. You did such a fantastic job bringing the original story to life. I loved how you modernized the story and created such a beautiful tale that was so easy to picture. Your writing style had me hooked and I was eager to keep reading and find out more! I hope I can read more of your work, because you definitely have a talent for drawing in your readers. I think the only advice I can give is really similar to the last comment: add in some more details in telling the readers what happened to the others. Your portfolio is really coming together, though. You have a really great simplistic design that lets your stories shine. Keep up the good work and I hope to see more of your awesome story telling skills in the future!
Hey Camryn, I really enjoyed reading the stories you chose for your portfolio. The Test was a very interesting story with amazing dialogue. The images you used worked really well with the story and I found the writing style easy to follow. One problem I did have was the color scheme of the stories. The white lettering on gray background made it a little hard on the eyes to read easily. Other than that, I really enjoyed the stories.
Hello Camryn! I really enjoyed the setup of your portfolio's webpage, as well as the writings you have posted there so far. I especially enjoyed your story "the Dancer," as it was an interesting and abstract way to view the story of the crane and the crab. The crane and the crab story also interested me quite a bit more than the others we read in that same week, and it was cool to see it represented in such a vastly different way. The story about Sita and Rama, discussing how Sita remained pure during her stay as a prisoner, was also well-written. I did notice, though, that unlike the Dancer, there was less changed about the story. There's nothing wrong with that, but I would find it interesting to see how a great writer like you could change the story up to make it different in some way than the original story. Great work! Britt
Hey Camryn! I believe that yours is the first portfolio that I have had the opportunity to look through this semester. I really respect your reasoning for doing a portfolio rather than a website. It is really great that you already do so much writing. What do you normally write about? I really like how you re-wrote the story about the crane and the crab. It was a great choice to use dancers and singers, that seems to be something that you are interested in. I think that it is always a great idea to write about things that you are passionate about because it makes the writing so much easier and the words flow so much more smoothly. Anyway, I really love your portfolio! One change I would make is on your home page. I would add some photos or writing samples to really showcase what you are trying to accomplish!
Hi Camryn! Since we have to go back to one project we've already been, I decided to go back and read your page and see the work you've done. I really enjoy all of your stories. I think that the turtle one is my favorite because it made me laugh when you added some internal dialogue for the turtle. I like your writing style a lot and like that you can really pull the reader in when they read your stories. As for your blog itself, I like the layout and background of it. The stories are really easy to find, and they all are very entertaining to read. Overall, really good job, can't wait to read some more of it before this semester comes to an end!
Hey Camryn! I really like the design and layout of your website. I can clearly get a feel for the theme of your portfolio just by looking at your image selections and the titles of your different stories. I feel like you have done a good job at being cohesive with your stories so that as a whole your portfolio’s theme is clear. I really enjoyed reading all three of your stories. I really enjoyed reading “The Test” and I thought your story flowed really well and had some great dialogue between your characters. I feel like this gives your story more dimensions and makes it more interactive for the reader. Also, your story “The Dancer” was a really cool adaptation of the Crab and the Crane story. Overall, I think you have done a great job so far on your portfolio and I can’t wait to see what type of story you add next!
Hey Camryn! I just got done taking a look over your portfolio and really like how it looks! The images are great and help the reader get a real sense of what you are trying to tell us. It was easy to use and navigate and wasn't to jumbled up, if you know what I mean. All three of your stories were well written and fun to stay engaged with! This is so important to me because I am kind of a lazy reader and will get of track. I did not have this problem with your stories. Probably my favorite was your rendition of the Jataka Tale "The Crab and the Crane". In that story "The Dancer" I can really get a since of what inspires you, mainly dance! This was great to read about because when you write about something that you love it really comes through in reading it. I assume you are done with the course and will most likely not see this post but your portfolio really turned out nicely and I think it is something you should be really proud of.
Hello Camryn,
ReplyDeleteI love your story The Dancer. When I was reading it I was so incited. I had no clue that it was relate to the The Cunning Crane and the Crab. That story was such a great parallel to the other story. I loved how you used dancers and singers. I love the colors of your portfolio also. You did a beautiful job at arranging it . I wonder what would have happened to her if she never poisoned the evil producer?I wonder if she would have died or if she would have made it out unlike the rest. What if all the dancers and singers were up against him and they also figured out the plan of the evil man? I thought you did a great job at telling this story in a new light. I hope that you keep up the great work. I can't wait to read more of your work throughout the semester.
Hi Camryn! I enjoyed reading your story and I loved how it was a spin on The Cunning Crane and the Crab folk story. You changed the setting and the characters, but still remained true to the plot and lesson of the original story. Your story was like this modern twist that our classmates and people of our generation could relate to and have a better understanding of. I wonder how the story could have been different or enhanced if we got to know more about Alicia; like how she became a dancer and how she got so clever leading up to her defeating the wicked director. It is because we as readers got to see in a sense the reasons why the director became evil and the way he was, but not really how Alicia became clever. I wonder what if the story had a different ending and Alicia did not come out victorious. Would she ever eventually escape the evil director? How would her life be different if the director was still alive and she was made to perform the shows with the singers? Overall, I love and enjoyed your interpretation of the folk story, and I cannot wait to read your future work!
ReplyDeleteHi Camryn! Wow I loved the end with the dancer poisoning the director. A little dark but a satisfying conclusion to Alicia's story. That director won't ruin anymore lives! I would love to hear a little more about her background in dance, or maybe even how the director had the idea to send the performers off on the cruise ship! What if the twist of the story was that the director actually used to be a performer and was wronged and that's why he has a vendetta against these performers that he is sending off? Overall, I really liked your take on the story of the Crane and the Crab and look forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHello Camryn , this is my second time reading a story dealing with Rama and Sita. I read a students story with these two characters so reading your story I felt like it could be the second part of the other students story I read. All Rama and Sita stories are always intense. I like the long dialogue that played part in the tale, I could see the scene inside the judge room and the vibe that was given off by the people inside the court room. During the trial in this tale, they were trying to figure out if someone was lying and in the end Rama should have believed his wife. I feel like this is a good ending to have the reader wondering what will their life's go now after they have came across this issue. True Loves stories always have a happy ending. It was good you started the story off in a weird stanch then it had a whole twist.
ReplyDeleteHey Camryn! I loved your story. I am a big theatre nerd so you had me hooked from the beginning. I am also glad to see someone else is doing a portfolio because I have read a lot of storybooks so far, but I am also doing a portfolio so it is nice to see what others are doing. I love reading these retellings though because even with a few small changes the stories are unrecognizable in the beginning and then I am pleasantly surprised at the end to find out what story is being told. This was one of my favorite tales so I was happy to read your retelling. It is so cool that you included dialogue in your story, I haven’t attempted that yet, but it really pulled me into the story and it was a good way to move along the story. I can’t wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Camryn! Good work on your portfolio so far! I think that while the image for your Home page is cool, I wonder if it would be better to have your description somewhere on the page so that the reader doesn't have to scroll to see it? Since it's short it could go at the top of the page or someting like that? Your story looks like it is in great shape! I love how you completely changed the setting of the story to create an almost totally different story, but still maintaining the spirit of the original source. I think stories are always the best when it is truly the story the writer wanted to tell and it's not limited by the source of inspiration. I wonder what happened to all the people who were performers on the boat. Maybe you could fit in a word about them? I look forward to reading more of your work!
ReplyDeleteHey Camryn. I really liked your take on the crab and the crane story. It took me a while to realize what story you were paralleling; you did a great job of making the story your own. I thought the parallel of bringing Cynthia on stage was well done. I was a little confused by the actions of the Director: from your opening paragraph, it sounded like he was trying to create a fantastic show to one-up other directors, but then it turned out that he just wanted to make money by signing singers to a cruise ship. Also, I understood the Director as being greedy and a liar, so I wasn’t sure how “evil” he was, and I was really surprised when Alicia murdered him.
ReplyDeleteIn your second story, I thought you did an excellent job of using dialogue to pull the reader into the story. I think it would be excellent if you extended that dialogue even more, because you handled it really well.
Hi Camryn!
ReplyDeleteYour portfolio looks amazing! The layout is easy to navigate and the site looks really classy. I like it.
The Dancer
My immediate thought when I finished reading this was: What on earth happened to the singers? Could the evil director be staffing some sort of resort filled with shanghaied entertainers? This was a creative and unexpectedly appropriate approach to retelling the Cunning Crane and Crab. Cynthia and Alicia (along with the evil director) bring so much personality to this story, and I love the empty theater image (all the talent is gone!).
The Test
This story has a wonderful narrative feel, and I find myself wanting to know who the narrator is. This seems like a great way to present a tale passed down over generations, and I feel almost as though a mother or grandmother is telling the story to her daughters. This could also be a two-part story, as the ending line is almost leading the reader into another chapter of Sita's life (and quest to prove herself to Rama). There is a typo for the first "slightly" but that was the only thing I saw.
Great work, and can't wait to read what's next!
Hello Camryn! I think the presentation of your portfolio is very well kept as it is easy to navigate and the color scheme was very simple which made the text pop out more. I think that the images you chose are absolutely perfect as they are very colorful and depict your scenery perfectly.
ReplyDeleteOne thing you do very well is characterize. I think you did a great job describing Cynthia and Alicia especially. I loved the ending of the director dying because I was wondering how she pulled it off so smoothly as well as to what will happen next.
I liked your second story however I felt that your dialogue confused me at parts. I think it did a good job for the most part bringing the plot together but sometimes I felt the speech was a little dragged out. Overall I think that your story is very good though, and the portfolio is something you should be proud of.
Hi Camryn! I'm really impressed with your ability to translate a fable into a modern setting acted out by people rather than animals. I really enjoyed, "The Dancer", and when I was reading the Author's Note I was impressed with the parallelism your retelling displayed. Your content was strong and the important plot lines were delivered strongly. The only thing I noticed was grammatical, there was one point when you used "is" instead of maintaining past tense.
ReplyDeleteFor your story, "The Test" I enjoyed your style of writing. You simplified the story so it was easy to follow but still maintained the key points of the story. I was not familiar with this story so it was a rather shocking read at first. I think you have a strength in your writing for clarity.
Aesthetically, I really like your theme for your portfolio. I am sensing kind of a dark theme to your writing so the gray and black background makes perfect sense. Your website is organized really clearly.
Overall, great job! I look forward to reading the remaining stories in your portfolio.
Hi Camryn,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story The Dancer. You did an amazing job creating your story from the original story, The Cunning Crane and the Crab. What impressed me the most was your ability to create this real, modern story from a story that was originally focused on animals and food. I think that is great that your mind is so creative. This story was a great introduction to your portfolio. Throughout the story, I found that the story really kept my attention and I was always wondering what would happen next. Especially the ending - I thought it was perfect that you left off with something so unexpected. This ending will definitely draw in readers to read the stories to come. I also appreciate how you used photos to illustrate some of the places you were talking about in the story. It really gives the reader an outlet to imagine the situations happening in these places. Your writing is very clear and succinct. I didn't find any spots throughout the story that were confusing or vague. The only question that I have is what happened to the others that were on the cruise ship? You may consider adding in something about them at the end. Im not sure if that was part of your initial plan or not - just a recommendation.
You did a really good job on this story and I am excited to keep up with your portfolio throughout the rest of the semester!
Hey Camryn!
ReplyDeleteI really loved your stories on your portfolio! My favorite was The Dancer. You did such a fantastic job bringing the original story to life. I loved how you modernized the story and created such a beautiful tale that was so easy to picture. Your writing style had me hooked and I was eager to keep reading and find out more! I hope I can read more of your work, because you definitely have a talent for drawing in your readers. I think the only advice I can give is really similar to the last comment: add in some more details in telling the readers what happened to the others. Your portfolio is really coming together, though. You have a really great simplistic design that lets your stories shine. Keep up the good work and I hope to see more of your awesome story telling skills in the future!
Hey Camryn,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading the stories you chose for your portfolio. The Test was a very interesting story with amazing dialogue. The images you used worked really well with the story and I found the writing style easy to follow. One problem I did have was the color scheme of the stories. The white lettering on gray background made it a little hard on the eyes to read easily. Other than that, I really enjoyed the stories.
Hello Camryn! I really enjoyed the setup of your portfolio's webpage, as well as the writings you have posted there so far. I especially enjoyed your story "the Dancer," as it was an interesting and abstract way to view the story of the crane and the crab. The crane and the crab story also interested me quite a bit more than the others we read in that same week, and it was cool to see it represented in such a vastly different way. The story about Sita and Rama, discussing how Sita remained pure during her stay as a prisoner, was also well-written. I did notice, though, that unlike the Dancer, there was less changed about the story. There's nothing wrong with that, but I would find it interesting to see how a great writer like you could change the story up to make it different in some way than the original story.
ReplyDeleteGreat work!
Britt
Hey Camryn! I believe that yours is the first portfolio that I have had the opportunity to look through this semester. I really respect your reasoning for doing a portfolio rather than a website. It is really great that you already do so much writing. What do you normally write about? I really like how you re-wrote the story about the crane and the crab. It was a great choice to use dancers and singers, that seems to be something that you are interested in. I think that it is always a great idea to write about things that you are passionate about because it makes the writing so much easier and the words flow so much more smoothly. Anyway, I really love your portfolio! One change I would make is on your home page. I would add some photos or writing samples to really showcase what you are trying to accomplish!
ReplyDeleteHi Camryn! Since we have to go back to one project we've already been, I decided to go back and read your page and see the work you've done. I really enjoy all of your stories. I think that the turtle one is my favorite because it made me laugh when you added some internal dialogue for the turtle. I like your writing style a lot and like that you can really pull the reader in when they read your stories. As for your blog itself, I like the layout and background of it. The stories are really easy to find, and they all are very entertaining to read. Overall, really good job, can't wait to read some more of it before this semester comes to an end!
ReplyDeleteHey Camryn! I really like the design and layout of your website. I can clearly get a feel for the theme of your portfolio just by looking at your image selections and the titles of your different stories. I feel like you have done a good job at being cohesive with your stories so that as a whole your portfolio’s theme is clear. I really enjoyed reading all three of your stories. I really enjoyed reading “The Test” and I thought your story flowed really well and had some great dialogue between your characters. I feel like this gives your story more dimensions and makes it more interactive for the reader. Also, your story “The Dancer” was a really cool adaptation of the Crab and the Crane story. Overall, I think you have done a great job so far on your portfolio and I can’t wait to see what type of story you add next!
ReplyDeleteHey Camryn! I just got done taking a look over your portfolio and really like how it looks! The images are great and help the reader get a real sense of what you are trying to tell us. It was easy to use and navigate and wasn't to jumbled up, if you know what I mean. All three of your stories were well written and fun to stay engaged with! This is so important to me because I am kind of a lazy reader and will get of track. I did not have this problem with your stories. Probably my favorite was your rendition of the Jataka Tale "The Crab and the Crane". In that story "The Dancer" I can really get a since of what inspires you, mainly dance! This was great to read about because when you write about something that you love it really comes through in reading it. I assume you are done with the course and will most likely not see this post but your portfolio really turned out nicely and I think it is something you should be really proud of.
ReplyDelete